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I led him to his bed a mattress on the floor and threw him down like a real WOMAN in control of her life and choices. Luke was pretty. I was mortified. It was like something you would see on a documentary about wild animals on National Geographic. The juxtaposition of sandy hair and dark skin made him a very coveted piece of boy-candy in my tight knit circle of teen Hollywood transplants. Now kittens, before we get started, let me first say that in life, the highs can be breathtakingly high and the lows, well, they can run deeply low.

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But for some inexplicable reason, I started laughing.

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This is when sex is oddly painful for girls. I was mortified. Pretty soon after that, I came to terms with the fact that I'm a big ol' lesbian who is physically repulsed by dick. I might have been lit like a naked bulb, but suddenly, I was overcome with a brilliant, amazing, awesome, wonderful, fabulous idea:. It was a deep guttural wretch. About Contact Newsletter Terms Privacy. All I could do was look at him and nod my head with puke dripping down my bright red face.

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